Pia nagkaroon ng mental health problem nang manalo sa Miss Universe: The worry was louder than the cheers
ISANG rebelasyon ang inamin ni Miss Universe 2015 Pia Wurtzbach na na-diagnose siya ng “generalized anxiety disorder and major depression” matapos manalo at maiuwi ang korona mula sa pinaka prestilihiyosong beauty pagent.
Ayon kay Pia, natatandaan pa niya ang kanyang grand homecoming parade kung saan 1.4 milyong Pilipino ang sumalubong sa kanya dahil after 42 years ay muli na namang naiuwi ng Pilipinas ang korona sa Miss Universe.
“If I ran for president that day, maybe I could have won. I felt like I was on top of the world,” saad ni Pia.
Pero tulad nga ng sabi nila, ang pagwawagi ng korona ay may kasamang responsibilidad.
“From the outside, it looked like a fairy-tale ending to a life-long struggle of family breaking apart, financial struggles, and dreams being pushed away.
“Yeah, maybe from afar it did look perfect, but the reality was far from it.”
Nagsimula nang ikuwento ni Pia ang kanyang naranasang mental health problems.
“All of the pain and the suffering I endured all my life caught up to me and manifested itself in an ugly, self-destructive way.
“You’d think that the crown and the title would be the bandage to all of that. You’d think that it would be enough to make sense with all the pain and the rejection, but it didn’t.”
Hindi raw nagkaroon ng oras si Pia para i-process o i-acknowledge man lang ang nararamdaman dahil abala siya lalo na at nakadepende sa kanya ang kanyang pamilya.
“I never really faced of acknowledged that I was sad. Because when you are struggling to make ends meet, you don’t think about yourself anymore. There’s no time to think about how you feel. When your family is dependent on you, there’s no time to think about you.
“And when the whole country is looking at you, there’s no time to worry about your personal interests. There’s no time to think about your mental health.”
Ilang taon ring isinantabi ni Pia ang kanyang nararamdaman para sa pamilya, para sa bansa, at para sa pag-abot ng kanyang mga pangarap.
“While on the outside I was fulfilling my duties as Miss Universe, and working nonstop, and traveling to different countries and working with different organizations.
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“I wasn’t missing a beat at all. Nobody saw it. I was always on time. I never missed a day of work and I just kept going and I just kept going.
“But as soon as the doors of my room close, I was a different person. The thoughts, the doubt, the worry in my head were louder than the cheers.”
Dahil dito ay nagkaroon ng unhealthy coping habits si Pia.
“I became anorexic. I was self-harming. I was pulling my hair, a condition called trichotillomania. And in the four corners of my room I also abused alcohol.
“I was deteriorating. I would just seat there dwelling in my pain, crying. I felt so alone.”
Dito ay na-realize ni Pia na hindi pa rin pala siya nakakalaya sa mga hindi magagandang karanasan na naranasan noon kahit na unti-unti na siyang nagtatagumpay sa buhay.
“It was like a poison slowly killing me.
“I kept it all to myself even though I was slowly deteriorating inside because I couldn’t imagine disappointing my country.
“Imagine being celebrated being celebrated as a strong, resilient, and determined woman but deep inside you’re going through that? I felt like a fraud.”
Hanggang sa unti-unti nang napansin ng Miss Universe organization ang pinagdadaanan ni Pia at agad siyang sinaklolohan.
Ito na rin ang nag-ayos ng mga kinakailangang tulong ni Pia.
“I was lucky… I was able to keep my privacy during this very difficult time and I think that’s important that you are not forced into healing and that you are going through it in your pace and at your own time.”
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At sa bagong yugto ng kanyang buhay matapos tuluyang makawala sa kanyang pinagdaraanan ay nais niyang ibahagi ang kanyang istorya sa buong mundo at umaasa na sana’y makapagbigay inspirasyon ito sa iba pang Pilipino na nakakaranas ng mental health issues.
“I want to paint a picture not of a perfect beauty queen but of a real person with real life experiences.
“There’s no shame in admitting that you aren’t perfect and there is no shame in admitting that you are not perfect. And there’s no shame in admitting that you need help.
“I’m sure there are many people out there who are working hard, trying to stay afloat, alive. Trying to hold on to their dreams and making it come true while taking care of the people around them.
“Many of us are hustling everyday and people see you and they think, ‘Wow! Congratulations! You’re doing so well’ bit they don’t know what struggles you’ve had to bury or put aside to make way for others. I know that feeling and trust me, you are not alone.
“There is a pressure to fit in, to be the vest and to prove why you deserve to be there. That feeling is all real and valid.”
May mga taong handang makinig at dumulong sa mga taong nakakaramdam ng depresyon. Tumawag sa mga 24/7 hotlines ng The Hopeline Project sa (02) 8804-HOPE (4673), sa 0917-558-HOPE (4673), o sa 2919 (toll-free number sa lahat ng Globe at TM subscribers). Maaari ring makipag-ugnayan sa National Center for Mental Health (NCMH) sa 0917-899-USAP (8727) at sa 0917-989-8727.
Related Chika:
Pia Wurtzbach nagpakabaliw dahil sa lalaki, kinalimutan ang pamilya at career
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