CLAUDINE BARRETTO AT RICO YAN
HANGGANG ngayon pala ay nagluluksa pa rin si Claudine Barretto sa pagkamatay ng dati niyang boyfriend na si Rico Yan.
Kasabay nito, inamin ng aktres na nagsimula rin ang kanyang “panic attacks” nang mamatay ang aktor noong 2002 dahilan para magpatingin siya sa isang psychiatrist.
Sa panayam ng Kapuso Mo Jessica Soho, sinabi ni Claudine na regular pa rin siyang nagpapatingin sa kanyang psychiatrist na si Dra. Bernadette Manalo-Arcena, “Every month I see her. I really go to her for therapy and sessions namin. Ako naman, I’ve been very open that I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and there’s nothing wrong.
“I’m just so happy and talagang thankful kasi grabe mga tao, the comments, parang lahat ng tao ngayon, they’re very open, they have so much compassion towards other people who are going through any kind of mental illness,” sabi ng estranged wife ni Raymart Santiago.
Pagpapatuloy ni Claudine, “In 2002, I was diagnosed with panic attacks, panic disorder. I just felt na parang mamamatay ako, hindi ako makahinga, parang I was sinking, I was drowning, tapos parang lumiliit yung kuwarto, nagko-cold sweats ako ‘tapos hihimatayin ako.
“I didn’t know what was wrong. Nobody really told me, ‘Ah, panic attack ‘yan.’ There were days na parang feeling ko, ‘Oh my God, I think I’m going crazy,’ kasi balisa, e. Di ka mapakali.
“When you have a panic attack at sabihin ng tao sa ‘yo, ‘Ano ba nararamdaman mo?’ the moment you tell them ano nararamdaman mo, all the more gumagrabe yung panic. I was so scared,” kuwento pa ni Claudine.
Una siyang inatake ng nasabing kondisyon habang nagte-taping siya para sa seryeng Sa Dulo ng Walang Hanggan, napansin daw ng yumaong direktor na si Wenn Deramas ang kakaiba niyang kilos, “Ang natatandaan ko lang, yung time na nagte-taping kami, nag-cold sweat ako while we were reading.
Tapos, sabi ni Direk Wenn, parang iba na.
“Sabi ko, ‘I’ll just go to the room for a while, inom lang akong water.’ And then he went inside the room, and then sabi niya, ang putla ko daw.
“I was just walking and walking ‘tapos sabi niya, ‘Ano nangyayari?’ ‘Hindi ko alam.’ Ayun, I started crying na and I couldn’t breath. Noong sinabi sa akin ni Direk Wenn na, ‘You need to see a psychiatrist, something’s wrong,’ pakiramdam ko tatalon ako sa building, because hindi ko alam paano ako pupunta sa emergency room at i-explain sa tao or sa doctors doon na parang pakiramdam ko na I’m sinking, I’m drowning,” mahabang chika pa ni Claudine.
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Dito na rin inamin ng aktres na until now ay ipinagluluksa pa rin niya ang pagpanaw ni Rico, “Hanggang ngayon, dala-dala ko because I never really grieved. I just really kept on working and working.
“I want to tire myself para pag-uwi ko, talagang tulog na lang, hindi ko na maisip yung pagkamatay ng ex-boyfriend ko noon. Ang gusto ko lang, mapagod. Hindi pa talaga ako yung talagang nakapag-rest para umiyak, up to this day,” pag-amin pa niya hanggang sa magkaroon na nga sila ng relasyon ni Raymart.
Sabi naman ng doktor ni Claudine, “I’m proud to say that Clau is, at the moment, doing very well.”
Hindi rin niya pinagsisisihan ang naging desisyon niya na regular magpakonsulta sa psychiatrist, kahit na nga may mga nagsasabing “nababaliw” na siya.
“I had to go to psychiatrists, doon ko nalaman na yung panic attack, there’s a way out. Lahat yun, napagdaanan ko, na sabihan ka ng baliw. I was proud of myself for wanting to prioritize mental health. I really needed guidance, I really need help.
“And iba, e. Iba yung pinalabas ng ibang tao. When people say baliw ‘yan, mentally-ill ‘yan, they don’t know the mental torture na pinagdaanan ko,” aniya.
Natutuwa rin siya na may mga taong nakakakuha rin ng lakas at inspirasyon sa kanya, “It’s so overwhelming, it really feels so good. Meron sa comments na parang, ‘Last night, I was about to kill myself.’ And then noong nabasa raw niya ‘yun post ko, nagpa-check siya agad and it was panic attack.”